i’m not the biggest fan of poetry
because it’s too dense for me to understand
because i don’t have the capacity to feel what the words are trying to convey
because my eyes have an intense aversion to this physical format
but i literally cannot form complete sentences that can make it to the other end of the margin
(oh look that was close – )
so i am resorting to fragmented thoughts and
pounding the [RETURN] key whenever i need my brain to refresh.
i hope someone out there will still read to the end of this
even if they hate poetry as much as i do.
hello i am not in a good place –
i haven’t been in a while.
it was foolish of me to think it’d be easy to climb out of the funk
with distractions and a positive! attitude!
i have become very dysfunctional
but the one thing i can still do best is apologize:
sorry if you can hear the echoes of your own voice when you talk to me
it’s because i am hollow inside
deep in the cavity of my diaphragm
where joy and peace and pure emotion used to lie
sits a tape recorder playing back loops of
“Good, how are you?”, *laugh*, “That’s great!”, *laugh*, “Okay! see you soon!”
i don’t want to talk about feelings
or how i should pull my life together
or what i got on the last midterm
or why i’ve been so distant.
sorry if i’ve left you hanging
because i can’t pull my weight
or do my part like i said i would.
i can’t do my job
as a student
as a writer
as a daughter
as a friend.
it seems i’ve turned in my two weeks notice a month ago
yet i’m still here
doing more harm than good.
i’m most sorry to You
with weightless ease, letting ‘Amen’ past my lips
hundreds and thousands of times
i don’t even know what the word means anymore.
i try praying the rosary before going to bed but I always end up falling asleep before the fifth decade,
waking up to the string of beads tangled in my hair,
Crucifix imprinted into my cheek.
it’s been a long time since i felt Your presence
it’s gonna be a long time until i feel worthy of it again.
i told you that she would be back
she should be back by now
but why is nothing changing?
i am scared
and i need help returning the lively soul that used to inhabit this body;
i don’t know how
but i will find her on my way back to Him.
this promise is the only thing i have left.
please bear with me,