list of sorry’s

i’m not the biggest fan of poetry

because it’s too dense for me to understand

because i don’t have the capacity to feel what the words are trying to convey

because my eyes have an intense aversion to this physical format

but i literally cannot form complete sentences that can make it to the other end of the margin

(oh look that was close – )

so i am resorting to fragmented thoughts and 

pounding the [RETURN] key whenever i need my brain to refresh.

i hope someone out there will still read to the end of this

even if they hate poetry as much as i do.

hello i am not in a good place – 

i haven’t been in a while.

it was foolish of me to think it’d be easy to climb out of the funk

with distractions and a positive! attitude!

i have become very dysfunctional

but the one thing i can still do best is apologize:

 

sorry if you can hear the echoes of your own voice when you talk to me

it’s because i am hollow inside

deep in the cavity of my diaphragm

where joy and peace and pure emotion used to lie

sits a tape recorder playing back loops of

“Good, how are you?”, *laugh*, “That’s great!”, *laugh*, “Okay! see you soon!”

i don’t want to talk about feelings

or how i should pull my life together

or what i got on the last midterm

or why i’ve been so distant.

i’m sorry

 

sorry if i’ve left you hanging

because i can’t pull my weight

or do my part like i said i would.

i can’t do my job

as a student

as a writer

as a daughter

as a friend.

it seems i’ve turned in my two weeks notice a month ago

yet i’m still here

doing more harm than good.

i’m sorry.

 

i’m most sorry to You

with weightless ease, letting ‘Amen’ past my lips

hundreds and thousands of times

i don’t even know what the word means anymore.

i try praying the rosary before going to bed but I always end up falling asleep before the fifth decade,

waking up to the string of beads tangled in my hair,

Crucifix imprinted into my cheek.

it’s been a long time since i felt Your presence

it’s gonna be a long time until i feel worthy of it again.

i’m sorry.

 

i told you that she would be back

she should be back by now

but why is nothing changing?

i am scared

and i need help returning the lively soul that used to inhabit this body; 

i don’t know how 

but i will find her on my way back to Him. 

this promise is the only thing i have left.

please bear with me,

i’m sorry.

IMG_5840.jpg

5 thoughts on “list of sorry’s

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s